Where did this year go?

It doesn't seem possible that 2011 is almost over! Time seems to go by faster and faster!  Billy, me, my mom and Tyler went to the Sights and Sounds Theater in Lancaster, PA yesterday to see the Miracle of Christmas show.  It is the real story of Christ's birth.  This was my second time seeing it and it still moves me and gives me chills.  Christmas was alot of fun this year.  On Christmas Eve we had everyone over here and we did the Feast of the Seven Fishes for the first time.  It turned out great!  Tomorrow night we are going to the Wharfside for our traditional New Year's Eve dinner and then the kids will go do their own thing and Billy and I will go over and ring in the New Year with Gregg and Marie. 

I hope that 2012 is a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year for us and all of our friends and family.

Time Sure Flies . . .

I just can't get my act together with this blogging thing!  Oh well, let's bring things up to date.

 Bryan is working very hard this semester!  He says that this is his hardest semester yet.  And he turned 23 in October!  23 - OMG how did that happen!!!! Kyle - oh Kyle - is pretty much driving me crazy.  He had an accident in August, a ticket last month, I have to yell at him every morning to get out of bed and go to work or class and he basically just needs to grow up!!!  He doesn't know if he wants to go to college full time anymore which is fine with us but if he doesn't go full time then he needs to work more.  He is obsessed with getting a new car - he wants a Jeep.  Again fine with us but he neesd the money to pay for it - which he doesn't have!  Chelsea is having a great Senior year - she applied to 11 colleges and has been accepted at two - Univ. of Alabama (her #2 choice) and Univ. of Kentucky (one of her top 5 choices).  She also was named to the NJCDCA All State team for cheering.  Healthwise she had a follow up endoscopy and still has some gastritis going on which will require more medicine.  Her back is giving her some problems and she is hoping to get a cortison shot.  She is turning 18 on Monday!!!!  And Tyler is doing great with his first year of high school.  He joined the swim team and seems to love it!!  His birthday is today and my baby is 15!!!

Billy is also having some health issues - he went to the emergency room about 10 days ago and he has a kidney stone.  That lovely stone is not passing so on Tuesday he is going in for a procedure to get it out of there. 

It is so hard to believe that it is almost Thanksgiving!  The time just flew by.  Even with not working I find that I am always busy and the time just flies by!!

CRS

I'm suffering greatly from CRS (can't remember shit!)!  I went for my annual visit to the gyn doctor today.  I was talking to him about how I can't get anything done, no motivation (yesterday's post), am totally unorganized, am very emotional, anxious, having trouble sleeping through the night and can't remember anything and how frustrating it is.  I've known that I'm going through memopause since last year when we did my bloodwork.  I had an ablation last October because of my out of control periods and haven't had anything since December.  I don't have hot flashes - thank God - but I do wake up sweating at night sometimes.  The things that bother me the most are the unorganization/no motivation and the forgetting.  I used to be sooooo organized and I loved it.  I like things to be organized.  I never forgot anything - it went along with the organization.  Being organized makes me feel calm and secure.  This unorganization/forgetfullness/non motivation makes me feel kind of out of control.  Being out of control makes me anxious.  Feeling anxious makes me have trouble sleeping.  See a pattern here?  So the doctor tells me that all of this is related to menopause and then he really makes my day an tells me that it could last for a few years.  Great! 

Can't Get Motivated to . . .

DO ANYTHING!!!!  Seriously, I feel like I am spinning my wheels!  The days just seem to slide by and I'm not getting anything done that I wanted to get done this summer.  I hope that this passes soon because I have a list of things that I want done aroun here!!!!

No Answers

When Chelsea was in the hospital in June her pediatric gastrointologist did an endoscopy and found a lot of muscu in her esophogas and her stomach.  She told us that she suspected that Chelsea had a lot of allergies and that would probably be the cause of her issues.  We already knew that she had seasonal allergies, an allergy to dust, dogs and cats.  She was already on allergy medicine and really was showing no signs of allergy symptoms.  The gastro doctor put her on a different allergy medicine, Singulair and a nasal spray - told her to stay off of dairy (suspected a lactose intolerance) and peanuts.  So since then we did find out that Chelsea was completely lacking any enzemes to digest lactose and were waiting to find out what else she is allergic to.  So I took her today and talked to the allergy doctor and he tested her.  And guess what?  Other than a very slight reaction to egg yolk Chelsea has no other food allergies.  He felt that she didn't need all of the allergy medicine that the gastro doctor put her on and also said that the lactose issue would not cause constipation.  So we are back to square one.  Again!

Not too Good at Blogging!

I can't believe that it is so long since I wrote anything on my blog.  How in hell did it go from January to August - where did that time go!?  Alot has happened since then!

Bryan finished his year at Rutgers and did really well.  He has one more year left of college.  Engineering for him is taking 5 years.  He has decided that he is going to live home next year and commute.  It will save money and he didn't seem to really get into the college life at all so it makes sense to me.  He is still dating his girlfriend, Christine.  She is starting to talk more around us and seems a little more comfortable when she is here.  I really think that we overwhelm her - there are alot of us here and my house is not usually quiet.

Kyle finished his first year at Brookdale and he also did well.  He seemed to like it but he absolutely does not love it.  He says that he is going to stay at Brookdale and go through the Communiversity for his four year degree.  He is still dating his girlfriend, Danielle. 

Chelsea finished her junior year of high school.  We took a trip in April and saw the Univ. of S. Carolina, Georgia Southern, Central Florida and Southern Florida - she loved USC and liked UCF but did not like the other two.  We went in July to see Univ. of Kentucky (loved), Univ. of Louisville (hated), Univ. of Alabama (loved) and Clemson (liked).  We also visited Towson Univ. (liked).  Her health issues are continuing.  She has been in the hospital twice since school got out.  The first time was right after school got out - she hadn't felt good all week and on Friday she was throwing up all day - she couldn't keep anything down and was saying that she was dizzy and "couldn't see" - meaning that she was starting to black out.  She was also severely constipated - again.  We called the doctor and took her to the emergency room on Saturday morning.  On Monday she had an endoscopy and was sent home after that.  The doctor said that she found alot of muscus in her stomach and that her stomach and esophagas were extremely inflammed.  She was given some medicine.  The doctor also sent a sampe to a lab to check for lactose intolerance.  Call came a couple of weeks later that Chelsea has almost no enzemes to digest lactose - she can eat absolutely no dairy.  That has been quite a challenge and life change for her.  The doctor at that time suggested that she go to an allergist and have a full panel done - she is going today.  A couple of weeks ago Chelsea was back in the emergency room - she was complaining of sharp stomach pains and back pains, her head hurt.  The emergency room diagnosed her with pyelonephritis (rinary tract infection involving the kidneys) gave her an antibiotic, told us to follow up with her pediatrician and sent her home.  We went into the ped the next day because her fever was really high - he changed her antibiotic and told me to call if her fever was high the next day - and it was 103.9 when she got up.  So she was admitted on Friday andd was there until late Sunday night.  She was sent home on a new antibiotic which she just finished.  The antibiotic was causing her to have diarhea which is a switch for her!  Now that she is off it we are waiting for the constipation to come back. 

Tyler had his 8th grade graduation and will be a freshman next year.  I can't believe that my baby is going to high school.  He finally buzzed his hair off - he looks so grown up!  He has been relaxing this summer - going to the beach, going to Great Adenture, hanging out with his friends.

I have put in my letter to the Board of Ed. for a year of unpaid leave.  Billy and I decided when Chelsea was in the hospital the second time that we had had enough.  We need to find an answer to what is going on with her and I need to be available to take her to whatever doctor she needs to see to do that.  I'm hoping that the Board grants my leave - so that I can take care of Chelsea's issue but also it will give me a year to decide what I want to do.  But if they don't grant it I'm OK with that too - I will go on the sub list and work when I feel like it. 

Off to NYC

We are going to New York City today to see Mama Mia on Broadway today with my mom, my brother, Michael and my sis-in-law, Kelly.   My mom gave us the tickets for Christmas.  I LOVE Mama Mia - I've seen it before as has my mother but I have no problem seeing it again!  We are taking a train up and will walk around for a little while - depending on how cold it is and then after the show we are going to dinner at Tony DiNapoli's.  We wanted to go to Carmine's but we couldn't get a reservation.  We have been to Tony's once before and it is very similar and not hard to get into. 

Girl Drama

I am the one in the middle!  And sometimes it is not a great place to be!  Chelsea is 17 and I am the first to admit that my daughter sometimes has a very crappy attitude.  She can be mean, self centered, entitled and just an all out bitch.  It makes me crazy but I've learned to fight my battles and sometimes to just ignore her and let some things she says or does slide.  She is a moody hormonal teenage girl.  Now if my mother could do the same thing we would have no problem.  But can she?  Noooooooo . . . she feels the need to make comments that Chelsea hears and then Chelsea gets mad or get her feelings hurt.  Last night my mother came over for dinner and Chelsea was sitting at the counter doing her homework.  Chels did have an attitude and was yelling at the boys and the dogs - she was obnoxious.  My mother says that she is leaving and I asked her why.  She looked at Chelsea and whispered to me that Chelsea was being bitchy.  Well Chelsea heard her and was not happy.  I told my mother that she didn't need to make any comments.  When I came back into the room Chelsea was crying and said that she feels like my mother is always saying something about her.  And to be quite honest, my mother doesn't hold back much on how she is feeling.  Chelsea also feels that I didn't stick up for her.  I did say something to my mother last night but it is hard to say too much - she is MY mother.  And I don't want to hurt her feelings.  But I don't want her hurting my daughter's feelings either.  So now what? 

Busy Day

My feet hurt!  I am exhausted!  But I got alot done today and I really feel a sense of accomplishment.  I got up this morning and planned out dinners for the next two weeks.  I then made up a shopping list for two different stores and went out and shopped.  The stores were a mess - there is another snowstorm coming on Tuesday so I guess alot of people were out getting ready for that.  It took me alot longer than it usually does to shop but I got everything I needed.  I came home and got to work!  I made two taco twist casseroles, two baked zitis, browned ground beef for chili and cubed raw chicken for chicken noodle soup - its all in the freezer.  I made tacos for dinner and got a roast chicken prepped and ready for the oven tomorrow when I get home from work.  I also cooked up some chicken and cut it up for another dinner I'm making in a couple of days.  Whew!  It was alot of work and my feet were screaming but it felt so good to get it all done!  One way for us to eat healthier around here is to eat at home instead of getting take out.  In the morning I am going to make a list of what I am going to eat for the day - I'm going to plan out my meals and my snacks and I am going to really try to stick with that.  Tyler wants me to go to the gym with him - I am going to really try and make myself go! 

Joined the Gym . . . Again

Work Out World opened up near us recently.  My son, Kyle, had joined during their pre-opening and the other day my daughter, Chelsea, went there for a tour and came home saying she wanted to join.  Kyle, Chelsea and I already belong to another gym - they go alot and I go . . . never!  But, once again, this New Year's resolution for both my husband, Billy and I is to get healthy.  Eat healthier, exercise, lose weight - you know, the same old stuff.  My youngest son, Tyler, has the same resolution!  Tyler has gained quite a few pounds since my father passed away and so have I!  So, to make a long story short, I went down to WOW the other night with Chelsea and Tyler and took the tour.  The place is great!  Has everything you could possibly imagine to make working out easier!  And fun!  Tanning is inlcuded in the VIP price!!!  Woooo Hoooo!  So I signed on the line - signed up Chelsea and I for the VIP level (for the tanning) and signed Tyler and Billy up for the basic.  Good for us!!!  Way to take that first step right?  Neither Billy or I have set foot in the building since! 

Why is this so hard for me?  How can I possibly hate my body, hate the weight that I've put back on, hate feeling self conscious all of the time and then still eat things that I know I shouldn't and not make any effort to exercise?  I WANT to go to the gym - I really do.  But I am nervous about going - alot of my kids' friends go there and I feel like they will be laughing at me.  I don't want to be the fattest person in the gym.  But the other side of that, as I well know, is that if I don't exercise and get my eating under control I will only gain more weight.  So I need to make a choice right?  Either do what I need to do or shut up and accept the way I am.  Problem there is that I have never been able to be happy with myself as a heavy person and am not going to be able to accept the way I am right now and be comfortable with it.  So . . . maybe tomorrow I will make it to the gym?  After I go to my brother's house for pizza tonight! 

How to Start . . .

Its the beginning of a new year so time for something new to do, right?  I've been talking to a therapist lately about my life and some things that I'm not thrilled about - my kids growing up, losing my father a year and a half ago, my weight, my not liking my job, blah, blah, blah.  It was her suggestion that I start a journal to write down my feelings and I've really been dragging my feet.  I don't know why?  But since I can't seem to get started with a traditional paper journal I thought maybe this would be an easier way for me to journal. 

Today was a pretty good day here!  School was closed and I got alot of things done that I needed to catch up on and I feel really good about that.  Alot of days I feel like I am just spinning my wheels - I get home from work and then run around doing things for this one or that one and don't seem to get anything done for me!  It makes me a little crazy!  This is one of the reasons that I'm not sure if I want to go back to work next year.  I feel like our house and my life run much smoother when I am home.  When my kids were little I thought that when they were older that life would be so much easier but I haven't found that to be the case at all!  Things seem to be much more hectic now!  I miss the days of them being younger and knowing where they were and what they were doing!