Off to NYC

We are going to New York City today to see Mama Mia on Broadway today with my mom, my brother, Michael and my sis-in-law, Kelly.   My mom gave us the tickets for Christmas.  I LOVE Mama Mia - I've seen it before as has my mother but I have no problem seeing it again!  We are taking a train up and will walk around for a little while - depending on how cold it is and then after the show we are going to dinner at Tony DiNapoli's.  We wanted to go to Carmine's but we couldn't get a reservation.  We have been to Tony's once before and it is very similar and not hard to get into. 

Girl Drama

I am the one in the middle!  And sometimes it is not a great place to be!  Chelsea is 17 and I am the first to admit that my daughter sometimes has a very crappy attitude.  She can be mean, self centered, entitled and just an all out bitch.  It makes me crazy but I've learned to fight my battles and sometimes to just ignore her and let some things she says or does slide.  She is a moody hormonal teenage girl.  Now if my mother could do the same thing we would have no problem.  But can she?  Noooooooo . . . she feels the need to make comments that Chelsea hears and then Chelsea gets mad or get her feelings hurt.  Last night my mother came over for dinner and Chelsea was sitting at the counter doing her homework.  Chels did have an attitude and was yelling at the boys and the dogs - she was obnoxious.  My mother says that she is leaving and I asked her why.  She looked at Chelsea and whispered to me that Chelsea was being bitchy.  Well Chelsea heard her and was not happy.  I told my mother that she didn't need to make any comments.  When I came back into the room Chelsea was crying and said that she feels like my mother is always saying something about her.  And to be quite honest, my mother doesn't hold back much on how she is feeling.  Chelsea also feels that I didn't stick up for her.  I did say something to my mother last night but it is hard to say too much - she is MY mother.  And I don't want to hurt her feelings.  But I don't want her hurting my daughter's feelings either.  So now what? 

Busy Day

My feet hurt!  I am exhausted!  But I got alot done today and I really feel a sense of accomplishment.  I got up this morning and planned out dinners for the next two weeks.  I then made up a shopping list for two different stores and went out and shopped.  The stores were a mess - there is another snowstorm coming on Tuesday so I guess alot of people were out getting ready for that.  It took me alot longer than it usually does to shop but I got everything I needed.  I came home and got to work!  I made two taco twist casseroles, two baked zitis, browned ground beef for chili and cubed raw chicken for chicken noodle soup - its all in the freezer.  I made tacos for dinner and got a roast chicken prepped and ready for the oven tomorrow when I get home from work.  I also cooked up some chicken and cut it up for another dinner I'm making in a couple of days.  Whew!  It was alot of work and my feet were screaming but it felt so good to get it all done!  One way for us to eat healthier around here is to eat at home instead of getting take out.  In the morning I am going to make a list of what I am going to eat for the day - I'm going to plan out my meals and my snacks and I am going to really try to stick with that.  Tyler wants me to go to the gym with him - I am going to really try and make myself go! 

Joined the Gym . . . Again

Work Out World opened up near us recently.  My son, Kyle, had joined during their pre-opening and the other day my daughter, Chelsea, went there for a tour and came home saying she wanted to join.  Kyle, Chelsea and I already belong to another gym - they go alot and I go . . . never!  But, once again, this New Year's resolution for both my husband, Billy and I is to get healthy.  Eat healthier, exercise, lose weight - you know, the same old stuff.  My youngest son, Tyler, has the same resolution!  Tyler has gained quite a few pounds since my father passed away and so have I!  So, to make a long story short, I went down to WOW the other night with Chelsea and Tyler and took the tour.  The place is great!  Has everything you could possibly imagine to make working out easier!  And fun!  Tanning is inlcuded in the VIP price!!!  Woooo Hoooo!  So I signed on the line - signed up Chelsea and I for the VIP level (for the tanning) and signed Tyler and Billy up for the basic.  Good for us!!!  Way to take that first step right?  Neither Billy or I have set foot in the building since! 

Why is this so hard for me?  How can I possibly hate my body, hate the weight that I've put back on, hate feeling self conscious all of the time and then still eat things that I know I shouldn't and not make any effort to exercise?  I WANT to go to the gym - I really do.  But I am nervous about going - alot of my kids' friends go there and I feel like they will be laughing at me.  I don't want to be the fattest person in the gym.  But the other side of that, as I well know, is that if I don't exercise and get my eating under control I will only gain more weight.  So I need to make a choice right?  Either do what I need to do or shut up and accept the way I am.  Problem there is that I have never been able to be happy with myself as a heavy person and am not going to be able to accept the way I am right now and be comfortable with it.  So . . . maybe tomorrow I will make it to the gym?  After I go to my brother's house for pizza tonight! 

How to Start . . .

Its the beginning of a new year so time for something new to do, right?  I've been talking to a therapist lately about my life and some things that I'm not thrilled about - my kids growing up, losing my father a year and a half ago, my weight, my not liking my job, blah, blah, blah.  It was her suggestion that I start a journal to write down my feelings and I've really been dragging my feet.  I don't know why?  But since I can't seem to get started with a traditional paper journal I thought maybe this would be an easier way for me to journal. 

Today was a pretty good day here!  School was closed and I got alot of things done that I needed to catch up on and I feel really good about that.  Alot of days I feel like I am just spinning my wheels - I get home from work and then run around doing things for this one or that one and don't seem to get anything done for me!  It makes me a little crazy!  This is one of the reasons that I'm not sure if I want to go back to work next year.  I feel like our house and my life run much smoother when I am home.  When my kids were little I thought that when they were older that life would be so much easier but I haven't found that to be the case at all!  Things seem to be much more hectic now!  I miss the days of them being younger and knowing where they were and what they were doing!